canvas drawings;

wrong child.

2011-01-22T12:27:00.002+08:00

I'm fucking sick of living.

I'm too different to fit in.

No one cares, no one bothers.

I'm hidden being something,

Screenshield, separating me from the rest.

It doesn't bother you whether I'm happy or not.

I'm just me, you don't care.

Me.

Small and insignificant.

So fucking imperfect.

back,

2010-12-17T22:53:00.002+08:00

Grateful.
Loved.

Thankful for the change.
I was prideful but He brought me back down to my knees, in humble prayer.
I was straying, lost and lonely, but He brought me back to His side and loved me all the same.
I was rebellious but He disciplined me in accordance to His ways and showed me the right way.
I was a wretched soul but He made me His own child.

And for that, I'm eternally grateful. For a change so great, a love beyond comprehension, forgiveness that reaches out to the corners of the earth.

my God loves me, and I'm grateful.

2010-12-11T20:10:00.001+08:00

how would you feel if you were angry and someone takes a picture of you and then asks you to look at it while you're still fuming?

2010-12-06T21:41:00.002+08:00

不可能。
(L)porque usted tiene una sonrisa que podría iluminar esta ciudad entera, amor.

"parece a este. el muchacho encuentra a la muchacha. la muchacha se cae enamorada del muchacho. pero esto es una cosa ridícula de hacer porque el muchacho nunca se caerá enamorado de la muchacha. la muchacha sabe. la muchacha no puede hacer nada sobre ello. la muchacha sólo quiere hacer el muchacho feliz. entonces ella hace todo que ella puede, sin el muchacho que alguna vez sabe. el amor no es sobre a quién usted puede ser con, pero sin quién usted no puede ser. parece a este, pero es bien mientras usted es feliz."

indeed.

2010-12-06T21:26:00.002+08:00

等待明天的到来。
莫名其妙的事情，
他那颗心，
你那份心意，
她那句话，
你那句告别，
他那个笑容，
你那些眼泪，
她那种心情，
你哪能了解？

如果有一天，天上的星星不再闪闪发亮，你会怎么做？

heartfelt.

2010-11-20T19:01:00.002+08:00

Nothing Is Impossible - Planetshakers

Through You,
I can do anything,
I can do all things,
Cause it's You who give me strength,
Nothing is impossible

Through You,
Blind eyes are opened,
Strongholds are broken,
I am living by faith,
Nothing is impossible!

Today was pre-camp UNIFY! games trials (: I had so much fun, I'm glad God gave me this opportunity to be where I am today. To be honest, I never thought I'd get to know people like leon/justin/jeryl etc. Up til today, I've felt like a lost sheep, not really knowing my stand in speedlight or what I'm there for. To be honest I've felt like a stranger, out of place, not knowing many people. I'm really happy for all these doors that God has opened for me. I'm truly encouraged. I'm no longer the person I used to be, I'm really thankful for everything that God has given to me. Yet at the same time I'm very afraid that this mindset that I now hold is fragile and will easily broken. I'm afraid to become the old me again. I'm afraid to go back to all those bad habits I had. I'm clinging on tightly to what I have now, But I'm so afraid to lose it all. That aside, today's games trials were really fun. I'm really looking forward to camp! Yet there's this small part of me that doubts if my group will be enthusiastic and participate in the games without complains, seeing that the games are really dirty. Because they're at the age where they hate to get dirty and they don't see that you've to get down and dirty if you want to have fun D: I really hope that through this camp, I'll find God all over again and that I'll really get to know more people and have a decent group of friends who aren't actually bad influence. I mean my current friends are good and all, but majority that I mix with are of bad influence. So I really just want friends who will share the same fervour for God and who will stand by me when times are bad and just encourage me with the Word. I'm really really thankful for this chance to get to know more people in speedlight. Now I feel closer to speedlight and I'm just really grateful to God. I hope that through this camp, I will also learn to seek God more. I really hope to find God through this all, it's like rebirth, my new life. I'm glad I'm given this chance to be a leader, ultimately I really look to God to help me lead this group of kids in the camp. I'm not 100% confident that I'll be able to be a good leader. Leading is so different from being led, there are responsibilities, challenges and obstacles to face. But at the end of it all, I hope that I will return a changed person, stronger in Christ and I'll know how to be more responsible and face challenges with the strength of God. (: I'm really glad for all that God has given to me.

Today we played the games. It rained initially, even before we started on the first game. It was a discouraging start but at the end of it all, it was a really awesome day. We had a really dirty start, muddy soapy water(: Swimming on land indeed. And then we had tons of other fun games. I went off to grab change of clothes and met some dunman high people on the way(: Frankly speaking I wasn't sure if I ought to say hi because I've always felt that I'm not cool enough. I was really glad that he said hi first, so I didn't feel so awkward and out of place. And when I got back I saw everyone playing this water bomb and towel game. I didn't play but I was really happy just by watching everyone play the game. The screaming and laughter really warmed my heart while I watched them play. We had all sorts of games, it really reminded me of all the past speedlight camps that I've been to. It's quite fun(: I'm not sure if this camp will have a night walk. VERY honestly speaking, I might freak out on a night walk. I'm generally not very brave, it's just my pride pushing me on :X!!! hahaha. But if there is a night walk this camp and I have to lead my group, I will choose to depend on God, because God is there for me THROUGH IT ALL. (: through GOD, I can do anything!! (: We ended today's games and I felt really glad because I've come to know so many nice people(: It's really really awesome.

That's about what I've done for today. I'm in the sports ministry and I hope I'm there by God's grace and plans. I'll do my best to serve God there. I'm not sure if I should give up teaching in sparklight. ): rather reluctant to, but. I don't know. D: I'll pray about it. One more thing on my prayer list. (:

Alrights guys,
this is about all I have to say for today. I'm off to think of a name that's short, sweet and cool for my camp group and to ask jeryl if he's thought of anything. No wait, I'll ask him tomorrow, I don't want to disturb him in MS. (: speedlight tomorrow, very glad!

ok ciaos! (:
Mi fuerza es de Dios!!

hello(:

2010-11-19T21:50:00.002+08:00

hello world. I haven't posted in eons!

Anyway, been running.
This week's been a hectic and tiring and emotionally challenging week. In all aspects, physically, mentally and emotionally, I'm tired. Right now I'm struggling to go through some simple physics slides. It's terrible. Last saturday, before I went out with my parents for lunch, I had yet another emotional outbreak and arguement with my dad over my road bike. To be honest, I still don't see why he objects to it. Sure, a road bike has its pros and cons, it probably seems more dangerous but well. Pros and cons. That's a con I guess. Actually it's not that dangerous, safety precautions also can be taken. I felt bad during lunch, tried my best to make up for it. I'm not very expressive in front of my dad so that was a feat for me. We were supposed to continue our conversation on the bike after lunch, but well, we haven't had the part 2 of the conversation til today.
Sunday was normal except that I helped kendra to serve. It was really a tiring and challenging sunday. Lacking sleep the previous night and still feeling rather down about the quarrel with my dad, I had to go for a meeting with the leaders to find that our cell group is splitting internally. But I suppose change is good and we ought to face it with a positive mindset so well, who am I to complain? Served for 11, went for cell and had to lead a small group in a mini presentation. Now I get an idea of how hard it is to be a leader especially when no one wants to respond to you no matter how hard you try. I'm making sure I respond enthusiastically with consistency from today onwards to give the leaders encouragement.
Monday was training, batting and stuff, left me aching.
Tuesday was the supposed game with tkgs but was postponed due to the heavy rain. I went running on tuesday morning with Joshua(: I suppose it was a good run although the air was kinda suffocating D:
Wednesday was a public holiday, which was rather terrible. It wasn't too good a day for the family, had a headache all evening and was feeling really dizzy so I slept the afternoon away.
Thursday morning we had a friendly with siglap. They've improved a lot since sec 1 (: Anyway kudos to the siglap team and the sec 1s for playing so well. In the afternoon, the blazing hot afternoon sun, we played the match against tkgs. It was a match that was not too satisfying but then again who am I to judge? I'm just the first 15. We lost but I suppose it's a good chance for us to realise where we're lacking and to take this chance and train harder and improve for next year. Went home utterly tired but I felt that I had to stick to my 40 Day plan and go running. So I texted jie and she wanted to run so I ran with her. 33mins of running.
Friday (aka today). Training in the morning, we had scrimmage games. (: won one, lost one. I should have contacted the ball harder. Stupidly swing like some lao aunty with no muscles. Angst, regret!! But it's ok, I will change. Trained, the sun was blazing. Absolutely fried me. I was so tired, spam drank green tea. After training, went with the team to swensens at tampines mall for lunch. Teachers and coach gave us a treat. I think I seriously overate(who knew that the freaking main course could be so filling?!?). The ice cream was somewhat like the ice cream I ate for my first dinner in UK. I miss UK tons. ): But yes. Go try it if you have the time! Banana crumble from swensens (: Then we took bus 65 from the interchange to Damai Sec. We reached there rather early and we managed to catch the whole game of the B div Boys for softball. AHS vs Pasir Ris Crest. AHS won, it was a great match to watch. Then we had the prize giving ceremony. And I went home. Plonked my butt down, got changed and unwillingly dragged myself out for a run. Tired as I was, I went running. It sounds pretty insane, but I realised that I actually love the running. After about halfway, after forgetting all the aches and pains, I managed to start to enjoy the run! It was a good run indeed, time spent alone, music in my ears, just running. Without thinking about much except ohgoodgrief, how long more, wth is this place. (: But when I got back and calculated distance covered, I somewhat want to whack someone's ass. Or my own.

30mins - 4.3km.

SLOW SLOW SLOW SLOW SHORT SHORT SHORT SHORT. D:
Angst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to run more. Anyway I still really want my road bike ): I keep thinking like oh if I had my bike than I can really train and well, have another thing to do besides running. One gets bored of running after a while you know (: after all, I've been running for a year already. I suppose that's why people go for triathlons and duathlons. They get bored of doing just one sport. I'm really tired now. ): Tomorrow's the CAMP UNIFY games trials!! I'm super excited about it. Yupp, I think I can work really well with jeryl and we'll be able to RA-RA our group! I really hope that this camp will be edifying for my own life as well and bring me back to GOD. That's the most important point.
I've grown taller everyone! I'm 1.5m HEE. Alright guys, I'm really tired I'm going to sleep. Loves!

I think.

2010-11-13T22:14:00.002+08:00

I think-

House music is siiiiickkkkk.
Red sports cars are damn sexy.
Road bikes are so damn sexy, it's my life.
House remixes and road bikes go together.
I've got the music, the moves, the adrenaline, but no bike.
Pitbull's voice in "Hey Baby" is freaking sexy.
I love the bass beats in Nelly's move that body.
I think I love killer heels.
I'm so for retro.
I'm not wild.
I'm just crazy.

I really want a road bike.
I really want a road bike.
I really want a road bike.

I'm mad for messaging you.
I must be crazy if I'm asking you out to shop.
I crave shopping.
I crave being an awesome bi-friend with my best girl(homo)friend.
I need to crap.
I need to dance.
I'm going to dance tomorrow.
I'm bringing an extra pair of shoes out of the house just to dance.
I'm bringing my retro headphones.
I love remixes.

I love listening to remixes, wearing my sports gear, riding low and fast on a bike, feeling the wind in my hair, against my cheeks, my shades resting on my nose bridge, my muscles aching, my breathing slightly labored, my feet pedalling madly, people watching, people staring, people, people, people, on my road bike.

Oh yes,
this is life.
I think, this is life.

christmas):

2010-11-09T21:46:00.002+08:00

hello world(:

I'm posting because qiqi asked me to :D so well. Anyway I also haven't posted in ages so it won't hurt to update a little.

To be honest life is just mundane now. School, training, home. That's about it. I'm feeling rather aimless in life right now. I'm struggling to get back to God, and honestly, it's rather hard. But I will try harder. (:

These days, people around me are getting into relationships, getting out of relationships. It makes me wonder, really, what is a relationship for? I guess when we're young, we're seeking companionship and someone who will devote their attention to us and solely us. So a relationship is a short term thing. Maybe 5 months, a year, two years, but it won't last. I don't know if it's wrong to have a relationship for that case? Of course it's better to avoid one, less troubles, less sorrow, heartbreak, the heartstopping moments which drive you mad. Saves a lot of energy and money and time. But then, young people want attention. I don't know, who am I to judge? I'm a mere 15 year old still seeking the world. So, well, I rest my case.

Do I want a relationship now?
In all honesty, NO! :X
I couldn't handle one. Well I could, but I just can't be bothered. I mean, I'm kinda lazy to hold a relationship :X I'll just stick to liking guys ha-ha :p but well.

Anyway moving on.

It's been eons since I sat down and day dreamed (dreamt?) about things. Because life is so mundane, there's nothing to day dream about, except to sit down and watch the passing of clouds.
Honestly, joy is something we can choose to pursue. There's always two sides to life I suppose. You can drop a glass of milk, cry over the spilt milk or rejoice that the glass didn't break.

Well, that's just a lousy scenario. But truly. These days I wake up and I just feel glad to be alive. But I'm sad about my road bike still. Being a professional biker, well I suppose it's one of my wild dreams, just like being a marathon runner. But it can come true right? Honestly my heart broke when dad said he wouldn't get me a bike. Come on, it's just a bike. I'm not asking for a car or asking them to let me travel and climb a mountain. It's my dream and what can possibly happen when biking in singapore? Good grief. Less of the quarrels and a simple road bike could make everyone happier. Well, me at least. I'm not the best daughter, but neither am I the worst. I'm not happy with who I am, biking makes me happy with myself.

It makes me feel like I'm not a total loser and that I can achieve something.
That's why it's so important to me.

No one understands me enough to understand that. No one can empathize with me until they step into my very shoes and feel the exact emotions I feel and go through every single one of my thoughts.

Dear God,
This christmas, can I please have a road bike?

(Good grief, typing this request alone makes me tear up. sigh, it reminds me of the fact that I won't be able to accomplish my dreams anymore. And it really hurts.)

ready?

2010-10-26T16:46:00.002+08:00

life is better than we actually make it out to be.
Sometimes I think we exaggerate, we over-analyse, percive the situation to be something that it is not.

Honestly, all I need to say is,
Friend, (best friend/best girlfriend/best guyfriend)
You're all of the above, and you're the only homo friend I have (: as named by me,

If your heart says yes but your mind says no,
(the world will tell you to follow your heart.)

I tell you to follow your mind AND your heart.

BE RATIONAL.
Think it out,

1. What do you really want now; a r/s or to stay as friends?

2. Will a r/s with her work out?
3. Are her feelings for you as solid as your feelings for her?
4. Is she too young to understand what true love is?
5. Do YOU know what true love is?
6. Are you ready for a r/s?
7. What is your understanding of a r/s?
8. Are you certain of what you're looking for in the opposite party?
9. Does she have the ability to commit to a r/s?
10. Is the way she behaves when she's with you affected by her feelings for you? (ie. does she treat her friends the same way, or will her attitude towards you change over time as the initial excitement ceases.)
11. Are you ready for commitment?
12. What are your priorities in life now?
13. Can you and her manage both your studies and a r/s at the same time?
14. Will it last?

Remember dear friend,..
Relationships mean commitment, time and dedication.
Sensitivity towards the other party's feelings,
Some people tend to be more protective, others less sensitive.
Relationships are not child's play, people have relationships in hopes that it will lead to marriage, do you see her as a lifetime partner?

But other than that, listen to your heart too, try and take time to understand your feelings.

And I wish you all the best,
Whatever happens, I'm here for you,
Advice, crap, horneyness(ohgoshwtf), to comfort, hang out and be a total bitch.

loves,
jloop O: jiayou(:

p.s.
Anyway you're more sensible than other people I know so I believe you'll be able to make the best choice(: gaaaaambatteeeeee!

monday woes?

2010-10-18T22:04:00.002+08:00

Hello(:

Unfortunately I'm absolutely certain that I've screwed up the EOYS completely save for bio. Even lit and la can't survive this ordeal. It's a pity really. Honestly I'm frustrated with myself for screwing up so bad. But anyway, putting eoys aside because I can no longer do anything to change the past but rather I can only face the music, get over it and work harder in the future.

Anyway, that aside,
These days have been really hectic for me, it's practically driving me nuts. I don't believe that you, you actually care, or think about me so please stop telling me you do.

I don't believe in fairytales but rather I believe in actions and effort.

Anyway I tried Bonk training for the first time today, trust me it is no easy feat. After 16 mins of running I DIED. My body was undergoing extreme aerobic respiration such that my breathing was absolutely laboured and my legs were heavy like logs and whatnot. Bonk Training is no joke, to believe that someone who can run 6km in 32 mins happily gave up after just 16mins of bonk training, it's really. Mind blowing. So I gave up, sat down at the beach and took pictures. Sorry it's not that I like taking pictures of myself but I really love artistic and scenic shots. I really wished I took along my camera to get a better effect of the scenery and to capture the vivid colours. But well, satisfied I guess. I danced at the beach on the sly when no one was looking. Hahas, it's really nice there(:

Ohwell.
Then I went biking with regina in the evening. And we took more shots at the beach but a different end.
(L) today was nice.

goodnights(:

the world,.. and me.

2010-10-09T12:06:00.003+08:00

I can't seem to click with people anymore. Amazing right?

But yes,
It seems almost as if there were an invisible boundary keeping me out, separating me from the rest of the world. But who set up that boundary? Me, them or the circumstances?

I can't understand.
Of course not, otherwise I wouldn't be pondering about it now and feeling all hot and bothered.

I'm totally whacked, zonked.
Alright, bye(:

2010-10-09T11:01:00.001+08:00

the kind, omg i got a free triple delux brownie ice cream sundae with rainbow sprinkles, of awesome (L) :D

angst?

2010-10-08T22:39:00.003+08:00

She lays down her pen, temples throbbing and toes cold. Her fingers tremble and she can barely tie a knot in the string. It's almost as if a dark shadow has overcast the room.

No windows.
No door.

Just a desk and a chair.

A pen and a paper.

A question.

Will she pass the test?

tomorrow.

2010-10-06T20:53:00.003+08:00

DEAR MACBETH,

PLEASE HAUNT MY HEAD.

ohfortheloveofvalentine,
pleasepleaseplease.
Ohgosh.

I hate re-reading the same line over and over and over and not digesting it and not being productive at studying.

Yes I know it's ironic, I'm not in the position to say that, I hardly study.
But.
Sigh,
When I study it's like it's useless.

TOMORROW:
Language arts 1
Language arts 2
Literature.

pleasepleasepleaseplease let me write well.

2010-10-04T18:05:00.002+08:00

hello(:

I am hungry and I crave macs quarter pounder. How? D:
Macspicy too.
And fries.

And all the damned unhealthy food. Sigh. No wonder people die earlier. We're stuffing our body full of junk and it's out of mere indulgence.
Actually, I also crave nasi lemak.
D:
ohman.
Hahahas, i wonder what's for dinner.
And I know jie visits the blog on a regular basis so jie, I love ya(:
Okay,
Im tired going to nap bye!(:

In life;

2010-09-30T12:36:00.003+08:00

Hello. You know it's so hard to stay focused. There are so many awesome things in life that are waiting to be accomplished.

It's raining. Grey clouds that fill the sky and my life. Nothing in the world is certain.
Everything seems to be in many shades of grey, nothing is a definite black or white.
That's why life is so tiring. We want to move on but thanks to the shades of grey, we're too afraid to take the next step.
Too much caution.

Come on people, take risks.

Because when it rains, eventually the sun will have to show his ass anyway.

2010-09-28T18:12:00.001+08:00

Notice how love is the only word to express love? Sorrow has "sad" and "down" and so on. Angry has "antagonized", "mad", furious" and other words to describe it. Yet "love" only has "love". Isn't it worth the musing?

again.

2010-09-28T17:51:00.002+08:00

I think one of the reasons why I'm still alive is that I dont want to go to hell and I'm scared to die.

But yeah.

LIFE KILLS, (CAN'T)QUIT NOW.

Amazing.
It's amazing how sometimes in life,
You think someone's going to be there for you no matter what,
then one day,
that person leaves.

Just like that.

Suddenly.
Your world just crashes,
Time ceases to exist.
Or if it does,
It comes to a slow crawl,
With every second an agony,
Memories left and right,
On repeat in your mind.
And part of you is numbed.

The other part is extremely sensitive.
Screaming.
Writhing in pain.

You really really really wish you were dead.
BUT TOO BAD HAHAHA you aren't.

Heh sorry, I'm not exactly in that mood now. I'm just in the I WANT TO KILL FLU mood.
My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool.
argh.
okbye.

2010-09-26T17:58:00.002+08:00

IS THIS THE PART,
WHERE MY HEART'S SUPPOSED TO BREAK APART?

i hate you.
for being a jerk.
but then again,
it was a fair game.
i lost,
you won.

i'm just being a sore loser.

2010-09-24T21:02:00.002+08:00

free at last.
(:
I haven't felt this happy in ages.
So carefree(ouch I forgot eoys are in a week).
But yes.
Childlike joy found again,
Childhood innocence retrieved,
Simplicity of life appreciated.
Finally.

2010-09-23T17:30:00.001+08:00

There, it's lost it's magic now.
The innocence was torn away on impulse,
The magic of the first time is gone.

Gone now.

What's left behind is just sheer regret.
Disgust.
Sorrow.

Just.
Can't be as good.

this is escape;

2010-09-22T20:26:00.003+08:00

I see the image of a girl.

Running.
Feet pounding.
Darkness surrounds her.
Cars going past.
Music blasting in her head.
She's oblivious to her surroundings.
Just her.
Her running,
And running.
She's tired.
Her muscles are burning.
But she won't stop.
Something.
Maybe pride, maybe hatred, maybe frustrations.
Doesn't.
Let.
Her.

Stop.

She won't let go.
Won't stop running.
Won't give in to the pain.
Won't give in to the breathlessness.
Won't.

She'll keep going.
Until the end.
When she sees the light.
When she.
When she's free at last.
Then.
She will stop.

Because to her,
If she's free,
It's because she's running.

Because when she runs,
Nothing can stop her,
Nothing's suffocating her.
Nothing mocks her.

She mocks them.
She's better.
She's faster.
She's everything they wished they could be.

She only lives,
while she runs.
Otherwise,
She's dead inside.

Here's to life;

2010-09-21T22:03:00.002+08:00

And death.

Trust me I'm tired of the mundane.
And I can't listen to techno music and do math. It Drives me mad. I mean. It distracts me because I want to dance D: After my exams I will dedicate my time to dancing. Oh and biking. And running. And MAYBE, just maybe, swimming. And certainly rock climbing.

Argh.
But for now,
Hail eoys.

the dawning of a nightmare.

How ironic. I'm tired of everything. Life is TIRING.
I went running today.
Ran from home all the way down past MJC and then to elias mall and then back to whitesands. 22mins. And my legs kind of died. No I think it was the chilli that killed me. Shouldn't have spammed chilli sauce during dinner.

Anyway.

I'll run because
It's the only thing that makes me feel
Alive
Capable.
It's something that I do
Isolated,
No one judges me,
No one
Gives me pressure.

2010-09-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

tired of living,
not ready to die.

2010-09-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

Let the music drone on and on and on and on.
Let all emotion be numbed.
Let all thought be ripped from the mind.
Let the soul be murdered inside.

we all die a little bit inside each day.

But I think I died a whole lot more on the inside today when you hurt me so bad.

2010-09-15T21:54:00.001+08:00

you and I will be young forever.
You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream.

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream.

Alrights i have no idea why I'm listening to this song. i really want to sleep I'm tired tired tired.

AWRIGHTS BYE. hahaahs no more musing for this period of time, it's just strict ploughing through work and dying.

2010-09-12T20:58:00.000+08:00

Get your headphones on.

alright let's go.

run.

2010-09-12T20:52:00.001+08:00

R.U.N.

or you'll never be free.
Run as far as you can, as hard as you can.
Freedom's just in the distance. Maybe if you run faster you'll reach it.
Freedom's just in the distance, it's mocking you straight in the face.

Run harder, faster, longer.
Listen to your own heart, palpitating away, pathetic.
Listen to your own breathing, sobbing, weak.
Listen to your footsteps, heavy, clumsy.
Listen to your blood, pounding away in your ears.

Run.
Run faster. They're coming, coming for you.
Run.
Run harder. Or it'll just be a mercy to kill you.
Run.
Run away, pathetic existance.
Run.
Run and maybe, just maybe, you'll be free.

Run and maybe, you can be happy.

fat already

2010-09-11T19:51:00.001+08:00

DDDDDD:

I
NEED
TO

RUN.
(if I'm free it's because i'm always running.)

(running away.)

this is us breaking up (better off) - pushplay.

2010-09-11T12:26:00.001+08:00

i hate you.

love;

2010-09-11T11:54:00.002+08:00

Taylor Swift - You belong with me.

Saturdays with you. Four days to your birthday, six months four days to my 16th birthday. We all grow up too fast, before we can decide on our dreams and what we would love to accomplish. Well at least for most of us, we havent even decided what we want to be. Just want to be a teenager forever, maybe say 18. Or 21. But we can't cheat time.
Life. Haven't you ever wondered why the world makes such a big deal out of love. Because out of what we call "love", there are heartbreaks, scandals, affairs, sweet get-togethers, happy marriages, happy endings, tragic endings. It just makes life all the more interesting, doesn't it? That's why the world's stuck on love. Each morning we wake up and the radio's playing a new love song. Or we wake up hurting inside from heartbreak. Or we wake up excited, it's a new day with you inside. We love to harp on love. Love songs, romance novels, romance movies.
World's crazy.

Guess we all are. We're crazy enough to love.
Anyway,
Enough ranting, gotta go do stuffs.

bye world,
I love you.

2010-09-10T21:30:00.001+08:00

I won't be a stranger.

Don't forget, I loved you once.

):

2010-09-10T19:20:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's just me,
Maybe I'm just paranoid.

Babysteps - Varsity.

Well, here goes..
One, two, baby steps.

2010-09-08T21:03:00.001+08:00

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I am a dinosaur.

:D

tuesdays with me.

2010-09-07T21:34:00.002+08:00

hello world (:
I'm a happy girl with simple dreams.
FOR NOW.
I wish my skin would damn stop peeling from the sunburn and my feet would stop getting blisters everytime i run! ARGH):

Anyway today I went to school for math D: math! And then I went to the esplanade to mug and do stuffs.

(:
Awrights that's about it, going to eat now heh :D
byee(L)

2010-09-06T22:18:00.002+08:00

the song drills straight into your head.
rips apart your soul,
sends chills through your bones.

it's meaning crashing straight home,
thundering in your head,
wrecking your heart.

it's terrifyingly realistic.

scream.

2010-09-06T21:24:00.001+08:00

She's one fat bitch.

Oh.
I mean,
I'm a fat bitch.

ARGH.

2010-09-04T20:22:00.000+08:00

It's raining.
It's pouring.

And it's not stopping.

2010-09-04T20:20:00.002+08:00

I can't stand it.
I can't concentrate.
I can't.

can't help but.

Sigh.

STUDY RACHEL YOU IDIOT.

2010-09-03T23:58:00.001+08:00

don't drift from me.

crash;

2010-09-03T21:04:00.003+08:00

Midnight Romeo - Push Play.

The world needs ordinary people like me before there can be extraordinary people like you. Today I found it in me, the capacity to love the world again. Sometimes I forget the sound of silence, because there are too many voices in my head, screaming at me. One step, two steps, I'm a lost soul with nowhere to go.

I require: A long run by the beach in the cool evening/night.

Dance. Don't you dare cry, don't you dare. If you walk away, when you walk back you won't find me there anymore. Sometimes all it takes is the sea, the wind, the cold night, the sound of the crashing waves upon the shore, the warm surface of the rocks and the stars in the sky. Peace granted. Maybe I just like huge headphones because they draw a line between me and the rest of the world, leaving me in pure isolation. I walk the streets alone because that way I appreciate the smaller details more. Don't give me awkward stares, I'm just leading my own life, like you. I'm not a misfit, I'm just unique. I could miss you even when you're by my side. Short is not bad, it's cool. I could really use a run right now. I miss running in the rain, music blasting in my ears. The cold wind lashing out at me in its fury, my heart palpitating, blood throbbing in my ears. Just me, me and the world.

And I think I'm about to faint and die.

Die.
What's death about anyway, it's not just shut down. Next destination: heaven. It ain't a two-way road, it's get there and stay there. There's no turning back in certain situations so place your feet carefully. I miss clinging on to the rockwall for my dear life, terrified. I love drowning, in music. All we need is a tall building with good scenery of the city far below. And a camera. Sometimes the arts scene is seen as too insignificant. But art, art is abstract, not many understand. This is art. Everything is art. I, am art. Life is about facades. I personally, attend a masquerade twenty-four seven. Kill them, kill them. Macbeth's a tyrant, a killer. The world smiles at each other, then hides behind to cry.

Cry, you can cry on me.

Everyone has problems, I just prefer to keep mine to myself. If you're drowning in self-pity, don't forget that others have worse problems. Smile or die. It's good to cry, so let it out. Need a hug, just ask. I don't mind leaning on your shoulder all day, thanks. I think the world needs a happy pill for just one day, too many sad people exist. Oh, I forgot, we're all sad at times. Humans, emotional freaks who can't do without a social life. Irony is, most of the time social life problems make us depressed. Complicated world, complicated world. We need solutions. Who am I? I don't know. Come now darling, lift your head up high to face the world. You are inferior to no one, superior over none. Confidence, you are special. I like the way you are.

Because your flaws make you perfect.

Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy nor boast.. The capacity to love the world even when the world doesn't love you back. Don't sit down, don't give up. Look on the bright side of life, the light shows you all the small details that you can be happy about. The darkness hides the small good things in life. Take a walk down a crowded street, look at others then at yourself. Be glad. I could only be contented to be myself, flaws and all. He's(She's) too perfect for me. Nonsense, your flaws make you special. I think I know something new today. After all that musing, some things actually make sense.

I love the world and therefore, I love you.

2010-09-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD.
Today was fun. So was yesterday.
Shit.
This is bad.
:X

Okay. Just updating for the sake of doing so.
OKTHXBAI.

lol.
BYE.

Starry skies;

2010-08-31T23:17:00.002+08:00

Listening to the waves,
Wind upon my face.
The chill in my bones,
A warmth spreading starting from my toes.
Lying on my back,
Staring into the sky,
Hard against the rocks,
Stars fill the sky.

Memories.
So beautiful.

Like a dream that was never truly lived.

2010-08-31T14:29:00.002+08:00

You could put your head down and cry,
But you don't dare to.

One world,
Many people,

But so many lonely people.
Drowning.

Sometimes an emotion cannot be described,
Nothing is stronger than feeling it yourself.

2010-08-31T14:23:00.002+08:00

Because when the music plays,
It touches your soul,
Grabs hold of you.

It causes tears to come to your eyes,
Stabs something deep inside,
Opens you up.

It stills your soul,
Calms down your raging emotions,
Brings peace to your confused thoughts.

Thoughts that used to dash against each other,
Emotions that wrecked you fro the inside,
Your torn, wounded soul.

Sometimes when things get hard,
It's easier to just stop,
Step to one side,
Take a little time to watch the world walk by.

It may be loneliness that's eating out your soul,
Or perhaps fury that's locked deep within,
Or just helplessness that gets to us.

Because we try so hard,
But half the time we only fall down,
And hurt ourselves,
Then we become afraid to try again.
So we hide away,
In our shame and helplessness.

We're so lost.
And sad.
We feel like the world can't help us.

Sometimes.

2010-08-30T22:23:00.001+08:00

Still repeating the same lines.
But the meaning's gone.
Empty now.

never say never.

2010-08-30T22:13:00.002+08:00

Cos there's just no turning back,
when your heart's under attack.

Hello world(:

Tomorrow's teacher's day. I've got an ulcer on my lip, a swollen right foot. What's new?
I think I love wearing bandages on my leg. It guilts people on the train into giving me a seat.

Hah. And makes those inconsiderate jerks squirm uncomfortably in their seats.

Today I took the train home at peak hour. I spent half the ride watching the man who was sitting on the priority seat in front of me squirming in discomfort. Because I had caught his eye and seen him glancing at my foot. Way to go dude, way to go. Fuck you.

I'm damn angry now. I don't know why. So I'm just going to rant and rant.
Bought mixstyle headphones today. Sound quality is pure shit. I prefer my old headphones. But the wire snapped. So the sound in one side's gone. ): Spent my afternoon at suntec's macs mugging by myself after math test. Did physics. Oh well. Tomorrow's teacher's day. I don't think I'll go back. The past's done and gone. Don't want to revisit it, along with all the bad memories. I've locked it up and thrown the key away, why bother ripping open old wounds? Why bother revisiting old hurts? Why bother allowing nostalgia to rip me open from the inside out? Useless. Oh shit. Lit test tomorrow.
I forgot.
Alright. Shall mug now, whilst I wait for W to finish up step up 3.

Tired.
Goodnight world,
Don't fall away from me.

2010-08-29T21:19:00.001+08:00

masquerade; says:
i kinda miss the times when we first met
well
not when i was 3 and you were 10
but when i was 13 and you were 20
sigh.
somehow
i feel like ive screwed up most of my life
sometimes i wish i could turn the clock round change everything, we all do. but i cant. no one can
and it sucks, big time.

Nostalgia, it is.
Interestingly so.

2010-08-29T20:18:00.002+08:00

What's somebody like you doing in a place like this?

(L)
I.Miss.YOG.

pure disarray;

2010-08-29T16:55:00.003+08:00

Complete confusion.

Disarray.

Life thrown into disorder.

Muse.

Sometimes it's hard to understand why things aren't going your way.

When you finally sit down and think, you realise you've forgotten to pray.

It's hard yeah, to play the christian game,

But at the end of it all, we're fools with nothing gained.

Sometimes we just go to church on sunday,

Play the good christian then get the hell out of there,

Without realising the importance of prayer.

We may sing but our hearts are empty,

Because our souls, we have not surrendered.

We run into troubles and are quick to blame God,

And when in bliss we put God in a corner, turn away.

Sometimes it's hard to see why we can't be,

Christians on sunday, worldly people on weekdays.

It seems best and convenient for us, this arrangement,

But fair to God or not, we fail to realise.

Life.

In perfect disarray.

Just so that,

God can put back in place its pieces for me,

To help me see how much I'm in need.

Raw emotions,

broken down.

Just so that I find myself,

on my knees again,

in awe.

Sometimes all it takes is to see,

A child in earnest prayer,

To touch one's heart and open one's eyes.

To understand what one truly needs.

messed.

2010-08-28T13:11:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I've screwed up so much in life that I can't be a good person anymore. I've too many secrets, made too many mistakes. Somehow I can't get out of a vicious cycle. I'll never be as hardworking or smart as others. I can only sit here and whine about it. Pathetic being. Sometimes I really loathe myself so much. I should stop whining and do something. But I don't have enough willpower. I'm such an idiot.
Okay maybe I should start doing something. Now.

Music: Not afraid - Eminem

2010-08-28T12:43:00.002+08:00

society, I'm back.

Past week's been a passing dream. How I'm a bit lost, aimless. Sometimes I feel that living is like the mere chasing after the wind. Aimless. Earthly life is so fleeting, one life. I maintain that I miss yog.
I'm just feeling ennui. Life's so mundane now that yog is over. Like the colours of life got ripped off or something. Damn now I seem to be walking a world of a thousand shades of grey but no definite white nor black.
~~I feel a bit far away from church.~~
I've grown fatter, no kidding. Like no ohshit i'm fat but this time truly got fatter. And I've injuried my leg, can't run, bike, do shit to get rid of the extra fat. Hmm sian. My arm muscles have all been reduced to fats. I think I can't throw a softball straight, hard and fast anymore, shiatt. GAH.

OKAY.
bye.

muse.

2010-08-27T23:57:00.002+08:00

Superman and his sidekick are dead.
In the first place, superman was never alive.
So his sidekick couldn't possibly exist, let alone be alive.

So.
We're dead.

We never existed. It was the life that I so blindly led, believing that it was haven that would last. But all good things come to an end. That haven came to a crashing end. Adrupt, horrific.

You see for me, YOG was like a childhood that I never had. Watching kids smile, play. Whilst I think back, I can't remember myself doing any of that. In fact I can't remember a thing about my own childhood. Maybe it's because part of me just locks it up somewhere and refuses to recall any of it. Because self-reflection is the ultimate bitch at times.
But well.
In the brief span of 6 days I got to know so many people and had so much fun. Then after 6 days I'm given a reality check. Hello tests, lessons, school. Bye haven, paradise, carefree life.
Didn't go to school today. My leg's swelling like there's no tomorrow, hurts without support. Uber fking annoying luh. Like why do I have so many damned injuries. But anyway, sometimes we ought not to wish for the wrong things. Playboys and fast cars. Remember that quote? The pink card that once stood erect and proud? It's come true. Fast cars? Oh yeah. Let's switch to manual and do some drifting, speeding, hard turning. FML. It's so damn screwed, everything.

(Alright this post is so messy because it's midnight and I'm tired like there's no tomorrow I don't know what I'm thinking. Most of it probably is shit so dont take it for real. Goodnight world, passing out).

YOG

2010-08-23T23:05:00.002+08:00

WORLD.

yog today was FUN!
Hahas, my TAs let me sit on the jumping thing. It's damn scary when you fly down. Adrenaline junkies ftw! It's a cheap thrill but i love it.

Tiredtired.
Went running just now(:
Tired but happy. Anyway I think all the TAs are super cool and nice (:

Yeah. Awrights.
I'm gonna pass out now world.
I'll be sad when this ends.

BYE!

Saturday night;

2010-08-21T23:51:00.004+08:00

Ten minutes away from midnight,
A kiss on the lips,
Two turned away,
Left.
People crowding around, surrounding.
Gone.

Music plugged in.
Walking,
Walking,
Walking through the crowded streets alone.

Five minutes to midnight,
Boarding the train,
Eyes turn to survey,
An awkward shuffling of feet.

Midnight,
Train pulls into third station,
World weary sighs,
Twenty one stops away from home.

21 AUGUST

Hello world, a little update. Started work with YOG yesterday. Was fun(: After yog hit macs with becks. Yeah anyway, hosted japanese students with mel, yp and hqi today. Oh yes, HAPPY 15th HUI QI(: ILOVEYOUHEE. Anyway it was fun, and tiring. Just got home, it's 5 minutes to midnight tee hee. Went to esplanade today and the war memorial and lau pa sat for dinner. Brought them to suntec to shop and dip their hands in the fountain of wealth hahahas(; Oh well twas my first time going to that fountain too. So cool! Haha :D Don't really believe in that kinda stuff but I guess it's no harm. Anyway tired tired.

Gonna sleep now, have to get up at 530 for yog tomorrow.
BYE BABES!

2010-08-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

we are all FALLEN SOLDIERS

as red as blood.

murder;

2010-08-19T22:35:00.003+08:00

If consciousness had a switch I would have turned mine off long ago,
If I could choose to hear only what I want to I would have done so long ago,
If I could see only the pleasent things of the world I will do so,
If I can choose to understand everything I need to know, I would.
If there was a switch to control joy I would have left mine on long ago,
If I could control the sunshine I'd make everyday a sunny day,
If I could have my way,

I would have killed you long ago.
Killed consciousness,
Killed sorrow,
Killed reality,
Killed.

Killed everything.

If I could choose the colours of the world, it'll be black and white.
If I could choose between joy and sorrow, it'll be sorrow.
If I could choose for it to rain or shine, it'll be a thunderstorm.
If I could choose between books and reality, it'll be books.
If I could choose between hallucinations and dreams, it'll be dreams.

Cos it ain't hold a meaning anymore.
dulcineas?
They don't exist.
Love?
What does the world know about it?
Compassion?
The world doesn't exercise it.
Hate?
Oh yes, the world knows this all too well.
We hate.

We were taught to hate.
So we hate.

And I hate.

Because joy was ripped from my world,
torn from my hands,
I was thrust straight into hell,
taught to hate,
my tortured soul.

couldn't bear.
So I hated.

Murder, murder joy.
Murder, murder life.
Murder, murder me.

2010-08-19T22:26:00.003+08:00

Eyes closed,
Falling, falling, falling,
into deep eternal sleep.

yearning to be;
dead to the world forever,
hiding from reality.

breathing accelerates;
heart palpitates,
mind in a whirl.

Mind attempts to yield soul into stillness,
soul flutters about in anxiety,
mind unable to calm down.

breathing stops,
heart stops beating,
body dead.

ihateyou,
ihateReality.

dead, dead, dead.
to the world.

2010-08-19T21:48:00.001+08:00

dear life,

please stop being a bitch. shut up and behave, now go the way i want you to. you ain't gonna break me down, if anyone's doing the breaking down, I'm gonna be the one.
i hate you.
you really suck. now get back on track and listen to me.

let the bodies hit the floor;

2010-08-19T21:44:00.002+08:00

don't listen to them.
they're telling you lies that you shouldn't believe.
but you're listening to them.
you trust them more than you trust me.
you believe their lies.
you believe that they're right.
you listen to their foolish advice.
and you hurt me that way.

contented?
thank you for leaving me hanging,

i hate you.

miracles;

2010-08-18T22:23:00.002+08:00

like the rainbow in the sky,
like a streak of colour across a picture painted in black and white,
like a dash of gold against a mass of grey,
like the red kite that flies against the black clouds,
like the bold print on the faded paper,
like the smile that outshines all the sorrow,
like the first rays of the morning sun lighting up the dark sky,
like the light dancing upon the water's surface,
like the sweet sound of singing ringing through the silent hallways,
like a dancer dancing with fiery passion in the mist of rain,
like a rainbow coloured beanie dancing in the crowd of bobbing heads,
like the wind that blows across the hot plains,

a miracle.

joy,

stilled soul, silent gratitude, joyful.

impossible is nothing.

2010-08-16T23:00:00.001+08:00

It's not easy but it's not impossible.

2010-08-16T22:59:00.001+08:00

I'm patient enough to wait.

2010-08-16T22:31:00.001+08:00

don't know what to do.
don't know what to say.
don't know what to think.

don't know.

how to help. God help me help me. If this is what You want me to do then help me.

creep-radiohead

2010-08-16T22:26:00.000+08:00

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...
run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

wrong.wrong.wrongchild.

2010-08-15T21:10:00.002+08:00

Darkness envelopes,
Body ripped apart from soul.
Spirit world unfolds.

They.
Will take.
Your soul away.
And cast it into.
Hell.

Because it's so hard.
To comprehend this cold world.
That we cry in angst.

Tears.
Cascade down.
Your pale cheeks.
Painting a melancholy picture.
Sorrowful.

Trying to fit in,
Wasted tears and blood and pain.
I still am misfit.

I.
Am still.
A huge misfit.
A mistake God made.
Existing.

2010-08-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

STUPIDBITCH.

You don't see me.
I'm not here.
Sorry.
Just an illusion.

blue skies;

2010-08-15T20:33:00.002+08:00

Things I like about you: Everything.
Things I hate about you: Nothing.
Why I like You: You make me smile.
Why I hate you: You make me cry.

I feel I can't communicate with you. I can't bring that joy out from within you. Where's that childlike joy, the immature side to you? The side that lets go of stress and problems and is happy. Why do I feel like I'm facing a facade everytime I face you? Beaux Monde, where? All I wish is for you to open up, be childlike in front of me. Because I am a child too. (wellduh). Can't we just all be innocently happy for once?

weekend;

2010-08-15T19:01:00.002+08:00

dreamland weekend.
monday blues waiting to strike.
damn.

Take a picture,
Save the memories.
Hello world.
I'm tired and stoned. And in no mood for chemistry. Or math. My poor arm muscles are still aching like mad. But not so bad. Met M today ish. Heh today reminded me of the food race last year at T3. Good memories. Sometimes I wish I were a kid again, carefree, stressfree.

and most importantly,
HOMEWORKFREE D:

Alright world.
Dinner,
BYE!
love, me.

2010-08-15T17:51:00.002+08:00

14 August

Defined muscles upon the climber's arm. Tilts head up, stares and tries to find the next step. Fatigue swallowing the climber up. Aching arms, aching legs. Sweat drips down the sides of his face. One more time. Fingers gripping hold of the next rock. He hauls himself up. Muscles trembling under the strain. His mind is screaming back at him. To give up or to hell yeah, get the move on. Inch by inch the he advances to the top. Finally he's one stone away from the finish line. Away from victory. He lifts a tired arm and strains to reach the stone. But He misses it. Just by a mere cm. Fatigue rushes through his muscles. One more time. And he touches it. Holds on, grips it tightly. Finished. Done. Overcame the challenge. Conquered..

The rock wall.

(:

screw loose up there;

2010-08-14T13:05:00.001+08:00

WORLD.
(burp)But I'm really full now. (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM.
Yeah you won't see this. But anyway.
You're old.
And you're my mom.
And I got my retarded kickass genes from you.
And I got my spasticness from you.
And you're the weirdest mom ever.
And you're quite annoying sometimes.
But you're a kickass mom.
So I don't mind, don't care.

Hmmm.
Grow less white hair mom, learn to grow younger.

Kidding.
Okay you arent old.

ANYWAY.
HIWORLD.
Today's saturday. The heat is being a bitch and what else is new?
Nothing.
Darn.

Okay off to mug.
No really.
Ok just kidding.
Off to slack.
BYE.

because;

2010-08-12T21:10:00.002+08:00

I'm the type of girl you'll find walking down the street, milk carton in one hand, drinking straight out of it. Carrying no bag, wallet in hand, phone in my pocket with my beanie on my head and my headphones blaring.

WORLD, I am currently going crazy over:

Breathe electric
Heyhihello
Stereo skyline
Push Play
Elephants and crayons
Crash crash
Amy can flyy
Rocketships and radios
1-800-ZOMBiE
Alkaline Trio

(:
Anyway, literature is being a real pain in the ass. I'm sitting here refusing to do my work.
Kidding.
ALRIGHT I SHALL DO MY WORK D<

Hahas,
imissyouD:
Bye world, loveee.
me.

silence.

2010-08-12T09:45:00.002+08:00

knuckles red, skinned.
Adrenaline, anguish rushing through veins.
Mind in turmoil, confused.
Anger, frustration craving to be vented.
Wall stained red, blood.
Hands shivering, body numb.

love the pain,
crave the pain,
need the pain.
Keeps them sane.

lost in the light;

2010-08-11T21:51:00.001+08:00

I've run out of things to say.
So have you.

Seems like the world has fallen silent.
No one really knows what to say anymore.
We're afraid that we'll say something wrong.
We don't want to sound stupid.
We're walking on cautiously.
We're at a loss of what to say.

World's gone silent.

holes inside;

2010-08-11T21:23:00.002+08:00

Holes inside - Joe Brooks

When all that youve tried, leaves nothing but holes inside,
It seems like youre wired, to stay here held in time,
Cos nothing seems to change, oh no.
No nothings gonna change, at all.
I can see it in your face, the hope has gone astray.

But if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cause sometimes, fate and your dreams can collide.
So dont walk away from me,
Dont walk away from me,
Dont walk away from me.

Your feet are stuck, no they cannot move,
Dont tell me that theyre glued,
Yeah they're far from.
At home, at ease but give sometime to breathe

Cause nothing seems to change, oh no.
No nothings gonna change, at all.
I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away.
But if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cause sometimes, fate and your dreams can collide.
So dont walk away from me,
Dont walk away from me,
Dont walk away from me.

Cos everything will be ok,
I know that its so easy to say,
But the pain inside will fade,
Please tell me that you'll stay.

Cause if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cause sometimes, fate and your dreams can collide.
So dont walk away from me,
Dont walk away from me,
Dont walk away from me.

wednesdays.

2010-08-11T21:08:00.003+08:00

Yesterday sucked.
Today sucked.
Tomorrow_____?

Hello world.
Four days of holiday gone, just like that. Out of which, two days was spent with joy. I'm not too sure. Anyway, left my lit stuff in school, which means I can't do my work! D: Damn. Shall take them home tomorrow. Anyway I'm really tired. Hahas, I finally went running today, which REALLY sucked. Stamina has hit rock-bottom. Can't even run 2.4km I think. Didn't run my normal route so I don't really know. Some random MJC dude was grinning to himself whilst he ran past me. Weird dude, who grins to themselves while running? D: Anyway. He's probably just mentally deranged, like me. Currently ran out of songs to listen to, but superman by brown boy and superman by joe brooks is really nice (: hee. Damn, joe brooks is handsome. (hah, just had to add a little typical teenage girl shit here sorry.)

Life's boring.
Well if it were interesting I'd probably be a mountain climber or something. (: Next time alright? When I have passive income (aka never)..

Alright, goodnight world.
Loves, me.

deadly secrets;

2010-08-11T21:05:00.001+08:00

"Don't tell."
"What? No, nothing."
"How could I possibly say anything to anyone?"
"Huh what?"
"It's a deadly secret."
"How so?"
"Kills you slowly. Slowly."
"You know you want to tell someone."
"Can't, it's a secret dammit."
"Say."
"Don't tell!"
"Why?"
"It's a deadly secret."

I'm not really there, because I'm just an illusion.

2010-08-10T19:21:00.001+08:00

Crashing.
Holding back.

Things that need to be told.
Kept inside.
Locked up.
Held back,
By some unexplanable force.

IF YOU SEE ME,
YOU'RE DELUSIONAL.
BECAUSE I'M NOT REALLY THERE.

2010-08-10T19:12:00.001+08:00

high-strung bitch.

One moment she's flying,
The next she's on the ground.

macbeth;

2010-08-10T18:49:00.002+08:00

Phone vibrates.
Pick it up eagerly.
But it ain't you.
What's wrong?
You aren't saying a thing.
I don't know what to do.
What to say.
Got the words taken out of me.
Thoughts are all a mess.
Don't know why,
Why you aren't there.
What's wrong?
You aren't telling me things.
Got me trapped in this guessing game.
Don't want to play.
Just want to know.
What's wrong.
The way I slam my phone shut,
'cos it ain't you.
Damn, where're you?
Whatcha doin'
Why walk away when I'm here?
Waiting,
for you?

Jerk.
No way I'm going to sit on this
Roller coaster ride.
Wait for time to
Pass me by this way.
Got all the chances to
Walk away
Not turn back
But in the end I chose to
Stay behind
Wait for you.

I'm the knight,
You're the red queen.
Then other times,
I'm the cheshire cat,
You're the rabbit.
And then yet again,
I'm tweedle dee,
You're tweedle dum.
It's either us,
Or nothing at all.

I hate you,

Macbeth, for screwing up my life.

silent;

2010-08-10T18:40:00.002+08:00

Time races on.
Phone stays silent.
Girl sits here,
Fidgets anxiously.
One hour,
Two hours,
Three hours later,
Phone stays silent.

No response.

Thoughts run wild,
Emotions on the loose,
Nerves strung up tight.

Driven to insanity.

Gone now.
Dead now.
Life's a bitch.

shot;

2010-08-09T21:39:00.003+08:00

Hello world, I really love my new camera, check out the cool pictures I can take with it (: Anyway, won't let it distract me. Gotta concentrate on studies,.. for now. Yes, updates, dear world (:

Today is national Day.
Same old, same old.
Yesterday was sunday,
Same old, same old as well.

Went for speedlight with clara, did some catching up with tp, hillary and clara.
Went home.
Mundane life.

Project work tomorrow,
Shit life.

Really tired, if I don't blog stories and poems then there's nothing to blog except about mundane life. More stories to come, be prepared people (: It's the writer's itch here.

perfect life;

2010-08-09T20:59:00.002+08:00

There's so much that she still didn't know,
So much out there to experience.
There's so much that needed to grow,
So much to overcome.
Because she was too young,
Too lost.
Didn't know what to say,
How to react.
Because the way,
The way he brushed his fingers across her cheek,
Turned his head slightly to look at her,
Stare and comprehend.
Watching silently.
She knew.
She did.
The way she didn't want to let go.
The way her heartbroke,
The way words were torn from her mouth,
The way she was robbed of her thoughts.

Maddness,
Agony.

Set her free.
Fallen angels of hell,
Set her free.
Let go her tortured soul.
Set her free.
Torment no more her confused mind.

Anguish,
Pain.

Call her back,
Piece together her broken soul,
Call her back,
Heal her broken heart.
Call her back,
Give her back her perfect life.

Oh yeah.

INSPIRED BY: BROWN BOY - PLEASE DON'T GO

Pandora's Box

2010-08-09T20:51:00.002+08:00

Forbidden love.
Not given air to breathe,
Hidden away, tucked away carefully.

Because the world ain't know,
What the guy told the girl wrapped in his arms.

"I guess we can stay this way until something happens".

Because he broke her heart in that instant, all that hiding, all the misunderstand.
Cos that day when they sat down, she said,

"Who am I to you?"

He said,

"I don't know."
"I like you but,..."

Because it was in that instant,
That the colours were ripped from her world, music turned to silence, light turned to darkness.
And in that instant, words were lost, thoughts were confused.

The girl didn't know what to say,
Didn't know what to do,
What to think.

So the way they stood in shades of grey, train station, departure. The way he wrapped his arms around her, shades of black, last farewell. The way his lips pressed against hers twice, degrees of coldness, darkness dawns.

The way the train trundled in, she tore herself from him.

Walked away,
Tried not to look back,
Didn't want to cry,

Refused to remember.

So from that day,
Pandora's box was closed forever.

Love hidden,
Tucked away carefully.

INSPIRED BY SUPERMAN♥ - BROWN BOYS

MONDAY, 9TH AUGUST 2010

ennui

2010-08-08T22:48:00.002+08:00

World.
Superman's back. With new songs.

hahas,
There are so many damned songs named "superman".

Superman - auburn
Superman - eminem
Superman - Joe Brooks
Superman - Nese

What! They need new song titles. Hahas, BATMAN.
:X

Anyway I'm tired. "bitches yeah, they come, they go." -superman, eminem. hahaha. Currently in love with Kasabian - shoot the runner. Alright, going to sleep (: bye world. Happy National Day in advance. Have fun!

2010-08-07T10:55:00.003+08:00

Loving You was a miracle.
Something I did not deserve.
Loving You was what I stood to gain.
Thank You.
Your love is so amazing.
Thank You, for being by me.

I love you God.

And i love Him because He
First,
Loved,
me.

Amazed,
i stand here in awe of You.

secrets.

2010-08-07T10:42:00.003+08:00

The secret I now keep,
Is a burden that runs deep.
I know not how to tell,
In case the world rebels.
It is not within my power,
To do anything to change it.
A secret that I cannot bear alone,
A burden so old I am weary.
So thus far I will commit,
This secret unto my Lord to keep.

Saturday Morning.

2010-08-07T09:50:00.002+08:00

7 August, Saturday. 9:52AM

Silence.
Girl opens eyes.
Silence.
Dreamless sleep, but girl's heart is palpitating.
Silence.
Something is amiss.
Wind howls.
Girl sits up, heart racing.
She is afraid.
Wind howls.
The chill sinks deep into her bones.
Wind howls.
Somebody, somebody left the window open.
Something creaks.
Girl trembles, terrified.
Something creaks.
It sounds like an old swing being used again.
Something creaks.
Girl looks around.

Silence.
Girl stands up, calls out for someone.
Silence.
No one responds, the house is quiet.
Silence.
It's not supposed to be like that, It's not supposed to be!
Silence.
Girl takes a few steps cautiously.
Wind howls.
Why is the window open?
Wind howls.
Who came, who did that?
Wind howls.
The room is cold and deserted.
Something creaks.
It's the door, there's someone behind it.
Something creaks.
Girl holds back a loud shriek.
Something creaks.
Girl hugs herself, rocking back and forth in fear.
Something creaks.

Something,
Is going to happen.
Somebody,
has been there.
Sometime,
Not too long ago.

Run.
Girl turns towards the door and flees.
Run.
Footsteps behind her.
Run.
Heart is racing, racing, racing.

Glint of silver.
A ray of hope.
Glint of silver.
A knife taken out.
Glint of silver.
Fashing in the sun, something shiny.
Glint of silver.
Something sharp.

A scream,
Silence.

Silence,
Bed left unmade.
Silence,
Bolster to one side.
Silence,
The indent of a head still visible upon the pillow.
Wind howls,
Window is left wide open.
Wind howls,
Blows around the room.
Wind howls,
The room is cold and deserted.

Saturday morning.
Lived,
Done,
Gone.

Old, old memories.

2010-08-05T22:40:00.003+08:00

old pictures,
old conversations,
old memories.

Hidden away, stored carefully.
When taken out, one realises how much one has grown,
Matured.
How one thinks differently now,
Acts differently,
Dresses differently,
Reacts differently.
How one hates the past,
Loves the past,
Misses the past,
Doesn't want to be reminded about the past.

Old clothes,
Old toys,
Old compositions.

Hidden away, stored carefully.
When taken out,
One remembers,
The joy of getting a new dress,
The adrenaline rush of writing,
The fun of imagination while playing.

Old.

Old things.

Old.

Old past.

Been there, done it, lived it,

It's gone.
Over,
A chapter of life never to be opened again.

Old.
Old memories.

while i was gone;

2010-08-05T21:21:00.002+08:00

World.

I'm really tired. Anyway, shall update everyone who reads this on my mundane life. Today marked the end of physics, chem, bio and chinese cts for this week. Tomorrow we're celebrating national day in school. Heh, red people.

Anyway, got myself a new camera today(: panasonic lumix heh. Haven't tried it out but I guess it should be good. Right? Heh. So tired. Tired.
I miss superman. Oh yes, new news people, I'm superman's sidekick.

I dont know but whenever I say I miss superman I don't think of the guy in the superman suit but rather of the hotshot drama. Because of the superman song. Heh. Who's superman, anyway ._. ANYWAY.

Tired. So I shall go to sleep. Heh packed weekend =\
I need sleep.

Bye world,
take care.

steps

2010-08-03T12:38:00.003+08:00

step one.
step two.
Step three.

Life is about instructions,

Step four.
Step five.
Step six,

are the instructions right?

Step seven.
Step eight.
Step nine,
Is thia what you want?

skyscrapers;

2010-08-03T12:08:00.002+08:00

silence.
Words unspoken, fighting to get out.

because the secret you're trying to keep is the very secret you're dying to reveal.

superhero;

2010-08-02T23:55:00.002+08:00

You can be the hero and I can be your sidekick
♥

I love this song. Hee, it's cool. Nice lyrics. Anyway sitting here half dead with much chem left to do. Can't take it though, it's already midnight. I'm literally burning midnight oil now. Hahas, never mind off to bed for now, can always study tomorrow.

♥GOODNIGHT WORLD.

Light a candle, light up the whole room.
Light a thousand candles, light up a town.
Light a million candles, light up the world.

Light up with a smile, light up your world.

♥

2010-08-02T22:09:00.002+08:00

Superman♥
I miss my superman. wish you were here.

Super Junior - Supergirl

I need twitter to contain all this insane phrases that pop into my head randomly whenever i listen to music.

love;

2010-08-02T21:11:00.002+08:00

Hold on, don't let go.
Follow instincts,
Follow your heart.

And study chemistry.
Because all the acids are waving enthusiastically to you. They love you, so you must love them too.

(argh).

#17

2010-08-02T20:45:00.002+08:00

The cold leaking into my bones, my breath sharp and quick. Fingers numbed, shoulders shaking. Rain falls all around me, the wind blowing up a storm. I stand in silence, music blasting in my ears, at the bus stop.

I am a mere shadow in a vast painting.

#42

2010-08-02T20:41:00.002+08:00

1 August 2010

Cause it gets tiring. Chasing after you is like the mere chasing after the wind. One moment you're there and the next, you're gone. Nothing's ever certain. Life this way is full of portholes. It's so easy to slip and fall. It's too easy to get hurt.

I'm tired.

2010-08-02T19:14:00.002+08:00

"the sea of Monsters".

Hahas. Today we had DHRP. Heh. Tiring tiring. Shouldn't have drank iced mocha yesterday. Caffeine crashing now. Met mw yesterday. Actually met clara and hillary first for lunch which we did lots of updating each other on each of our own lives. Then met kx and went around. The ass and shimin and wanxin were doing CIP at orchard hee.

I am tired.
Chemistry test is waiting to murder me tomorrow. Gah. Tired.

Okay bye. (:

2010-08-01T23:35:00.001+08:00

I should have held on tight and not let go.

bye world.